A Childhood Ambition

I live in a small town. We have not much more than too many souvenir shops, a couple of food shops, a garden centre and a primary school. It is only recently that we got a library that is not in the back of a traveling van. Yet the most magnificant feature of the town is a tall grey granite tower which spans heavenwards to pierce the clouds. Since I was child I had wanted to climb right up to the very top, to get the glorious view of the boundless landscape below; to see the lights of sleeping towns and cities stretching to the horizon, to be closer to the stars, to have a giant's perspective of the world! I planned to take my camera.

The tower held ancient relics of sorts so it was very well secured against intruders. I determined that the best time to go was at night. I had calculated all the possible entrances to the tower, the numbers of stairs that spiraled between each landing, where the security cameras were placed, the quietest/quickest way to break the locks and open the doors...the areas i would need to crawl...the alarms i would need to disable...the explanation i would give if i was caught. I was ready.

I sat crouched behind a bush near the tower. My black gloves were soggy with perspiration (why did i choose the wool ones). I pulled my balaclava out of my pocket and pulled it over my face. I had cut the eye-holes slightly squint. If i didn't think about it then it couldn't annoy me (i couldn't stop thinking about it and it was increasingly annoying me.) Run through the mental checklist, go alphabetically. A:? (what did i bring beginning with A?) ok move on to B: Balaclava. Got. Check. Wearing it. Eye-holes are squint (rage). Bottle of Water. Got. Check. C: Camera, Co-ordinate chart, Crowbar. What did i bring beginning with A? Forget it, move on. D: Diagrams and tower drawings. What did i bring beginning with A? Move on. E: "Electrics disabling kit for beginners." Got. Check. What did I bring beginning with A?

- Wait a minute! Once I leave this hiding place I will be seen if I use my torch. All of a sudden my crippling fear of the dark grabbed me.

There was very little I could do but return home very disappointed.